Living in Negative Space

Living in Negative Space

                                                                                  I.

Hello,

Welcome to the corner of my mind:

              The dark spot of my internal vision

              That my eyes roll back, white, straining to see

Where I go when I try to hold onto a dream

Or remember an obscure thought

Or escape the thinking of my own anxious heart

Beating

Beating

Welcome to unease:

Twisted stomach complete with a bow

Sweat chilling each centimeter of skin

A thousand numb pricks

Velcro to my fingertips

              But only for a moment

Until that familiar headache settles in

Constantly on the edge of

Crying out

Calling Mom

Hopping in the car and driving away

Only for it to follow

Welcome to my only thoughts:

I can’t

             Remember

Who I am

So

               Disloyal

To who I’ve been

                                                                                  II.

She was filled with words

They’d float in through her ears

Sometimes pop into her thoughts

And spill into any open space

               Corner of a notebook

               Edge of a sticky note

               Back of her hand

Rushed letters

Beautiful

Bleeding together

Fading to get her

So much graphite and ink

You couldn’t see the page

               The lines

No negative space for her

She was filled with life

                                                                                  III.

I wish I could remember her words

I’m sorry that I can’t

           Remember

I’m so sorry

Rebekah Cook