An Email to Adriana Barker from Think Inc. “More Thoughts for Less”

An Email to Adriana Barker from Think Inc.® “More Thoughts for Less”

 

🎉 CONGRATULATIONS! 🎉You are Earth’s 117 billionth visitor! 

Your completely unique ThoughtPackage 

has been formatted to suit your needs. 

 

Our brilliant ThinkMagic algorithm has decided 

the best collection of thoughts for your time on this planet. 

 

You have access to some of our most ✨popular✨features:  

 

  • Unrequited love for
    • fictional characters
    • celebrities 
    • and toxic people 

            your friends tell you 

            you’re too good for.  

 

  • Our entire Anxiety Suite, including
    • sweaty hands
    • nausea
    • insomnia
    • fear of public speaking 
    • fear of asking for help 
    • and rock-bottom 

             in-class participation grades. 

 

  • Need for validation from the Three P’s: 
    • Parents 
    • Peers 
    • and Professors.  

 

We have included several lines of thinking 

from our new Uniquely-U™ line, including: 

 

  • Aspirations for low-paying job

      where you type words on a machine 

      as the sun sets and you feel complete

      until you see those words in the cold hard light 

      of day and wonder if you ever really learned 

      how to read or use a comma.  

 

  • An eclectic music taste that leaves you spinning in your room to
    • bluegrass breakdowns 
    • jazzy sax solos 
    • and 60s twists.  

 

  • A childish desire to befriend, tame, and ride 

      a wild American mustang, 

      and braid bluebonnets 

      into its mane and tail. 

 

  • Intrusive thoughts, including: 

 

    • What if that plane overhead 

             crashed into my house? AND 

    • What if the living room 

            ceiling collapsed right now? AND

    • What if there is a snake 

             in your toilet? AND

    • What if there is a Peeping Tom 

             waiting in your bushes? AND

    • What if in the bushes there is also a robber 

             with a mask and baseball bat? AND 

    • What if there is also your highschool crush, 

             who has waited all this time 

             to tell you he loves you too?  

 

  • AND! Nighttime spiraling thoughts 

that take you from

    • “What time should I set 

            my alarm for tomorrow?” to 

    • “What if I fail my math quiz?” to 
    • “I need to buy groceries but 

              I don’t know what to get

              and I don’t know if I even have time 

             because what if it snows and I need to study

             for my math quiz and I need to send some emails

            and I need to text so-and-so and I need to 

            schedule lunch with so-and-so sometime and 

            what if I lose all my friends 

            because I can’t find the courage to text 

            and ask if they want to get lunch” to 

    • “I want to go home, I want to go home, 

              I want to go home,” to 

    • “Going home won’t fix this,” 

              and then you remember 

             you still haven’t set your alarm. 

 

We are delighted to be the first 

to welcome you to your stay on Earth.🙂 

 

CLICK HERE to accept your ThoughtPackage

and begin your journey with Think Inc.® “More Thoughts For Less” 

 

Or CLICK HERE to add more selections 

from our Uniquely-U™ and BargainBrain™ lines. 

We offer amazing Personality Packages such as 

the Introvert and Type A packages. 

 

Or CLICK HERE to delete your Think Inc. account. 

WARNING: This action is permanent and cannot be reversed. 

 

By Adriana Barker 

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