An Email to Adriana Barker from Think Inc.® “More Thoughts for Less”
🎉 CONGRATULATIONS! 🎉You are Earth’s 117 billionth visitor!
Your completely unique ThoughtPackage™
has been formatted to suit your needs.
Our brilliant ThinkMagic™ algorithm has decided
the best collection of thoughts for your time on this planet.
You have access to some of our most ✨popular✨features:
- Unrequited love for
- fictional characters
- and toxic people
your friends tell you
you’re too good for.
- Our entire Anxiety Suite, including
- sweaty hands
- fear of public speaking
- fear of asking for help
- and rock-bottom
in-class participation grades.
- Need for validation from the Three P’s:
- and Professors.
We have included several lines of thinking
from our new Uniquely-U™ line, including:
- Aspirations for low-paying job
where you type words on a machine
as the sun sets and you feel complete
until you see those words in the cold hard light
of day and wonder if you ever really learned
how to read or use a comma.
- An eclectic music taste that leaves you spinning in your room to
- bluegrass breakdowns
- jazzy sax solos
- and 60s twists.
- A childish desire to befriend, tame, and ride
a wild American mustang,
and braid bluebonnets
into its mane and tail.
- Intrusive thoughts, including:
- What if that plane overhead
crashed into my house? AND
- What if the living room
ceiling collapsed right now? AND
- What if there is a snake
in your toilet? AND
- What if there is a Peeping Tom
waiting in your bushes? AND
- What if in the bushes there is also a robber
with a mask and baseball bat? AND
- What if there is also your highschool crush,
who has waited all this time
to tell you he loves you too?
- AND! Nighttime spiraling thoughts
that take you from
- “What time should I set
my alarm for tomorrow?” to
- “What if I fail my math quiz?” to
- “I need to buy groceries but
I don’t know what to get
and I don’t know if I even have time
because what if it snows and I need to study
for my math quiz and I need to send some emails
and I need to text so-and-so and I need to
schedule lunch with so-and-so sometime and
what if I lose all my friends
because I can’t find the courage to text
and ask if they want to get lunch” to
- “I want to go home, I want to go home,
I want to go home,” to
- “Going home won’t fix this,”
and then you remember
you still haven’t set your alarm.
We are delighted to be the first
to welcome you to your stay on Earth.🙂
CLICK HERE to accept your ThoughtPackage™
and begin your journey with Think Inc.® “More Thoughts For Less”
Or CLICK HERE to add more selections
from our Uniquely-U™ and BargainBrain™ lines.
We offer amazing Personality Packages such as
the Introvert and Type A packages.
Or CLICK HERE to delete your Think Inc. account.
WARNING: This action is permanent and cannot be reversed.
By Adriana Barker